A few years ago, Illinois made a change in terms used in family law cases involving children, replacing “custody” with “parenting time” to describe who the children will be with at any given time, and “parental responsibility” to describe who will have the authority to make major decisions like schooling, health care and religious education. These are similar to terms used in Wisconsin for many years: “placement” covers where the children will be, and “legal custody” addresses decision making.

It’s good that Illinois made the change. Terms like “visitation” or even “primary placement” carry a subtle message that one parent’s time with the children is more important than the other parent’s time.

The word “primary placement” does not appear anywhere in the Wisconsin Family Code, and I try not to let it creep into my vocabulary, or into the documents I prepare or approve. The phrase has no meaning in Wisconsin law, and I don’t think it should be used in court orders or parenting agreements.

The term “visitation” still shows up in a few Wisconsin statutes, but I don’t have a problem with them. There are a handful of laws that allow a judge to award someone who does not have parental rights to spend time with a child; for example, a grandparent may, in very limited circumstances, get a court order for visitation. In those cases, it is entirely appropriate to use a term that says that time is different than time with a parent.

The term “primary caretaker” appears, too, but it has a very specific meaning. The family court can designate which parent can apply for certain public benefits for a child; only one parent can apply for those benefits, and the law gives the family court judge the power to designate which parent has the right and responsibility to file the application.

In “Parents are Forever”, psychologist Shirley Thomas wrote: “The child needs both parents to become a secure adult, even if one parent is imperfect or prone to making mistakes. It is an unchanging fact that every child’s reality includes both parents of his or her family of origin.” Using language that recognizes and respects this reality is one way to reinforce how important both parents are to the child’s well-being.